In which our intrepid hero reflects on the etiquette of food preparation.

I’m in a mood today.

I was out looking for lunch this afternoon, and was struck by the fact that many of my vegetarian friends seem to have no ethical qualms with meat-eaters who kill their own meals. This brought me to the conclusion that it’d be nice if restaurants offered the option:

Waiter: "Are you ready to order, sir?"

Me: "Aha. I’d like the veal, thanks."

Waiter: "One veal. Would sir like to see our selection of bolt guns?"

Me: "No, thanks. Just bring me a fruit knife. I want to know that it’s put as much work into this meal as I have. I want it to scream and bleed. A lot."

Waiter: "Very good, sir."

Like I said, I’m in a mood.