In which our intrepid hero pines for fair Kiev.

Things are getting really interesting in the Ukraine. (Bruce Sterling recently posted commentary here.) To sum up the latest from Kiev:

  • Georgia and the Ukraine are spearheading a new diplomatic bloc, formed from former Soviet colony-states.
  • Russia doesn’t like this, fearing that their hegemonic Commonwealth of Independent States may become irrelevant.
  • Alexei Mitrofanov, deputy leader of the far-right Russian Liberal Democratic Party (led by Vladimir Zhirinovsky), has commissioned a 20-30 minute musical softcore porn film, bluntly alluding to an illicit affair between the Georgian President (Mikheil Saakashvili) and the Ukrainian Prime Minister (Yulia Tymoshenko).
  • Tymoshenko will be played by Lena Berkova, a teenaged Ukrainian-born porn star who achieved fame as a contestant on a Russian version of Big Brother.
  • There is some disagreement as to how explicit the sex should be; Mitrofanov wants more, the director less.
  • A spokesman for Saakashvili states that Ukrainian directors are planning a gay porn film featuring look-alikes of Vladimir Putin and pro-Russian Ukrainian opposition leader Viktor Yanukovych.
  • Incidentally, Yanukovych lost the Presidency of the Ukraine to Viktor Yushchenko after the Supreme Court anulled the second round of presidential elections.
  • Yushchenko, you might remember, was horribly disfigured by an acute case of dioxin poisoning, although some sources suggest he may instead have been hit with a mycotoxin that the Soviets used as a bioweapon in Afghanistan.
  • And who is Yushchenko’s most significant political ally? Yulia Tymoshenko.

Let’s see The West Wing top that for political drama.

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