In which our intrepid hero feels all heart-warmingly queer inside.

Silo and Roy, the gay penguin couple that won worldwide fame for tempting their cagemates into a life of drinking SubZero and successful colour-coordination, have split up after six years.

It seems that Silo turned out to be more beer than queer, and leapt back into the closet with a female penguin named Scrappy. Silo’s fellow penguins at Central Park Zoo now ostracise him and squawk obscenities as he passes by, proving that even gay penguins have their issues with bisexual men.

On that topic, I recently stumbled across an old article from Salon, which is all about alternative sexuality in animals. No, I’m not talking about Fido doing it doggy-style; I’m talking things that aren’t female dogs. Or furniture. Or my friggin’ leg, for Pete’s sake.