In which our intrepid hero uncovers a disturbing truth about early-childhood programming.

One night, suffering from insomnia, I once again sat in front of the television, cycling through the EPG channels (I think it stands for electronic programme guide) and reading descriptions of the previous day’s viewing. I came across this:

Time for some funny Boohbah stomps, and lots of twirly whirly weaving. In Storyworld, Mrs Lady explores a funny tunnel. When the Storypeople climb inside to join her will there be a big bump?

Ah. Um. Yeah. To quote Neal Stephenson, "it sounds like something from the mind of a febrile two-year-old"—on some serious recreational pharmaceuticals.

The biggest question on my mind (apart from the obvious what the fuck?) is exactly who’s to blame for this? The freaks who write the EPG? Or the freaks who write Boohbah?