In which our intrepid hero explores the murkier side of etiquette.

My girlfriend has been housesitting for a couple of weeks, whilst I’ve been up in Queensland. As soon as I returned, she whisked me away to stay in this amazing place on the North Shore, with two absolutely adorable ragdoll cats.

Their owners are due back sometime today, so we’ve been scouring the place to make sure that we don’t leave stuff behind. Anyway, I was browsing the Net last night, when my girlfriend wandered in with a question: “Baby, what’s the protocol for when you find a vibrator on the floor?”

“Was it under something or in the middle of the floor?” I ask.

“No, it was in the middle, pretty much.”

“Ah.” I ponder for a moment, then: “Top drawer, or underwear drawer, I guess.” After a brief moment of terror, she manages to find a drawer to hide the fluorescent orange device in, and all is well.

And then a possibility dawns on me. My girlfriend held a huge New Year’s Eve party whilst I was away, and there were people staying in every bedroom that night, crashed after the celebration. I can imagine one of the house’s usual inhabitants coming home after a couple of weeks away. Tomorrow, she’ll wake up and go to her chest of drawers for a fresh set of underwear and find Mr Buzzy.

But what if it’s not hers? What if it belonged to one of the partygoers?

On the off chance that you’re reading this, were at Mim K/W’s New Year’s Eve bash and are missing a fluorescent orange vibrator, could you please leave a comment so that Mr Buzzy may be reunited with his rightful owner?