In which our intrepid hero celebrates a nine-month hiatus from crap.

Big Brother is finally over for the year! I won’t have to put up with the possibility of accidentally channel-surfing onto this steaming pile of ordure until 2008!

Of course, it would just be nasty and slack of me to remorselessly dump on the show without suggesting some improvements. Something that might actually enable someone like me—the “taste” demographic—to draw an iota of entertainment from it…

So here goes:

  1. Change the Live Eviction programmes to Live Executions;
  2. Start with Gretel Killeen. Ten must’ve had a hard job finding a host guaranteed to be less endearing than the contestants, but they came up aces this time. (Whilst I’m on the subject of Killeen, I’ve seen porn sites with fewer photos of the owner—get over yourself!);
  3. In addition to the “Evict” and “Save” numbers for viewers to call, add another for the show: 1900GTFOTV; and
  4. Stop pushing Torchwood back to drag the finale out, just because your producers are too fucking stupid to read eviction counts off a PC. Torchwood is the only show I watch on Ten, and I really don’t appreciate it when I have to sit around watching 40 minutes of Big Brother because you’re too slack to hold to a running sheet.