Happy New Year everyone, somewhat belatedly. The Internet’s still down, you see, so this won’t actually get posted until… *sigh*

I’ve been watching The Curse of King Tut’s Tomb. Wow. This movie doesn’t so much take liberties with Egyptology as it slips it a roofie, pistolwhips it for good measure, cornholes it and then wipes itself on the curtains on the way out. In the 1920s, for instance, we’re told that Egypt was a republic under French control. (Hint: French influence in Egypt ended in 1882, and Egypt wasn’t a republic until 1953.)

Truly, Egypt began to suck when it outsourced the entire country to India; when they made this movie, I gather, every Arab extra in Hollywood was holidaying in sunny Gitmo.

At the end, immortal superhero Tutankhamen (I shit you not) magically returns everything to the way it “should” be—Carter finds the mummy, etc. But he couldn’t give back the time I’d sat in front of this drivel: about three thousand years I’ll never get back.